While we tried to get our grubby little hands on every single set of these trading cards, looking back we wonder how we could stomach the nasty designs. Here are 25 cards that still make our stomachs churn:
1. Slain Wayne
While boogers were the bread and butter of garbage pail kids, the cards weren’t afraid to stray into very adult territory. This scene of a death by execution was definitely one of their most questionable images.
2. Juicy Jessica
Lend us a hand with the physics of this one: how exactly did the plant managed to leave behind a skeleton and a severed, bloody arm. I’m starting to think these cards don’t take themselves very seriously.
3. Upset Tommy
Soaking in a tub full of vomit wasn’t enough? Who let this kid eat tin cans and rats in the first place?
4. Peeled Paul
I bet kids didn’t change their shirts for a week after seeing this nightmare.
5. Barfin Bart
Like a kid-friendly version of Monty Python’s Mr. Creosote skit, Bart can’t resist chomping down on all sorts of nasty treats.
6. Pills Barry
I’m never eating a Hostess Cupcake again…ok, I lied, but this is still disgusting!
7. Meltin’ Milton
Like another melting card on this list, Milton’s “This is fine” expression just makes the design that much more disturbing.
8. Ned Head
Yep, it’s a disturbingly detailed shrunken voodoo head, with no other joke or gag. You know, for kids!
9. Donna Donor
While snot, vomit, and every other gross body fluid graced the Garbage Pail cards, blood was usually taboo. That’s why this upsetting card stands out so much.
10. Will Hung
Oh, just a baby hanging in a well. You know, that old gag. We hope this was just some awful take on the Baby Jessica story.
11. Dead Ted
Just what every trading card set needs: a grim reminder of our own mortality.
12. Corroded Carl
Somebody call Dr. Pimple Popper, this kid’s infested.
13. Fryin’ Brian
Once again: capital punishment is probably a little too adult, even for a trading card set this edgy. At least make him hold a light bulb or something for a little levity.
14. Hedda Spreader
I’m just glad I wrote this list after lunch.
15. Itchy Richie
NOPE! Don’t even want to think about this one.
16. Gnawing Nora
We’ll just call this fact number nine about why you shouldn’t bite your nails.
17. Creepy Carol
What’s so “gross” about this card is, as far as we can tell, Carol gets treated bad even though she’s just trying to live her best life. She can’t help being a purple monster person!
18. Parma John
I’m conflicted about this one: one the one hand it’s absolutely ghastly, but on the other hand I really love Parmesan.
19. Grim Jim
The most disturbing part about this card is seeing what a Cabbage Patch Doll’s cherubic, basketball-shaped skull would look like under the grim reaper’s hood. Can you see why they filed a lawsuit against the cards now?
20. Smelly Kelly
There were a number of cards with kids transformed into everyday objects, but none tapped into our weird, subconscious fears like this one.
If David Cronenberg directed The Garbage Pail Kids Movie, it would have featured a scene like this.
21. Abandoned Andy
I’m just praying I never find one of those bottles washed up on the beach.
22. Sidney Kidney
Most of the kids are blissfully unaware of their misfortune, but poor Sidney knows just how much trouble’s he’s in. We’re guessing the girls room next door is unlocked, but using that would be too embarrassing.
23. Oozy Suzy
I swear they tried to make this one as disturbing as possible. As bad as things seem for Suzy, judging by her sausage fingers something was already going wrong for her.
24. Juicy Jess
Well, let’s just skip to the next one, shall we?
25. Esther Basket
I have so many questions, beginning with how exactly this idea came about in the writer’s room.
“Easter eggs, Easter baskets, brains? Yeah, like the brain is a big egg! Except just the one, not like a bunch of eggs. Okay, good enough.”
Did you collect these cards?