If you convinced your parents to make two easy payments plus shipping and handling for any of these products, then I'm sorry. Because there's no way they could live up to the awesome, weird, or downright creepy infomercials that advertised them.
1. GLH - Great Looking Hair
When you need to cover up an unsightly bald spot, the best solution comes in a spray can - just like the best kind of cheese. As the creep at the end of this ad declares, "The BABES are back!"
2. The Thighmaster
It's not every day that an infomercial makes your parents change the channel, but Suzanne Somers definitely knew what she was selling with this ad. Trust Herbert L. Gould (surgeon): this machine will give you toned thighs.
3. Understanding Computers
Oh boy, did we ever have burning questions about how often to save our documents. And which home computer is right for me?! Thankfully this book had all the answers.
4. A Psychic Reading From Miss Cleo
Sorry to break the news to you, but Miss Cleo's accent was fake (and so are psychic readings by phone). Still, we'll always fondly remember her ads.
5. The Snackmaster
In the pioneer days of the 1990s, teens had to make their own pizza pockets using this creative appliance. But ours never looked as nice as Cathy's.
Did everyone convince their parents to spend $20 on these, almost choke on the paint, and then never use them again, or was that just me?
7. Stop the Insanity
This pitch for Susan Powter's weight loss program was closer to a stand-up comedy routine than an actual diet ad, but it definitely captured our attention. All together now: STOP THE INSANITY!
8. The Potty Putter
Every family has one person who thinks this gag gift is actually "pretty fun," but there's no guarantee it will really improve your short game. And no, this is not "ideal" for your office!
9. The Flo
Almost three decades later, we're still totally baffled by this exercise product. We'll follow the host's lead and "let the music do the talking."
10. The Catch It
"Sure, it looks like this cat litter scooper works pretty well, but what if I run over it with my car?"
"Well, it's funny you should ask..."
Well, what goes around comes around. These days sunglasses that block "blue light" are in demand, as everyone's feeling eye strain because of technology. But in the '90s BluBlockers were just a cool fashion accessory.
Let rapper "Dr. Geek" explain:
If you were into punk music you had to have this CD, which featured hits from bands like Men at Work, Crowded House, The Cars, The Knack, and Huey Lewis and the News....wait a minute, those are't punk!
13. Encyclopedia Britannica
Yeah yeah, the meta commercial is cute and all, but it would take more than that to trick us into buying an encyclopedia.
14. Rejuvenique Electric Face Mask
This disturbing mask promised to do for your face what "eight situps per second" would do for your stomach, but mainly it made your mom look like Jason from Friday the 13th while the torture mask zapped her face.
15. The Topsy Tail
There have been a lot of imitators over the years, but none were as helpful as the original Topsy Tail.
16. The Bedazzler
Honestly, it's hard to imagine a time before people were pressing glittery stones onto every piece of clothing they owned. The Bedazzler may have fallen out of style lately, but we bet it's due for a comeback any day now.
Somebody must have been scratching their head trying to market these Moon Boots knockoffs to adults, until they thought of passing them off as exercise equipment.
Maybe exerlopers will really help you run faster and jump higher, but you'll also look dorkier.
Share this list if you remember these products!