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13 Songs By Pro Wrestlers That Prove They Should Stick To Their Day Jobs
Despite what the Hulkster told us when we were growing up, the wrestling business is only about one thing: making money.
To that end, a lot of our favorite wrestlers have branched out to try their hand at music, and as you'll see they probably should have stuck to what they know best.
1. Hulk Hogan - Hulkster in Heaven
With the Wrestling Boot Band backing him up, Hulk's solo album Hulk Rules is a challenge for even the toughest Hulkamaniacs to get through, but this song takes the cake. The enormous blonde hulk channels his soft side, but can't help ending every line like it's a question.
"I wish Hulk's love...could bring you back again?"
2. Junkyard Dog - Grab Them Cakes
If there's one single on this list that has aged badly (and really, they all have) it's the Junkyard Dog's ode to booty grabbing. His idea of a "dance move" is the second most questionable thing about The Wrestling Album. Our biggest wonder: how did this become a certified gold record?!
3. Roddy Piper - I'm Your Man
Fans of John Carpenter's They Live know that "Hot Rod" has acting chops to match his wrestling skills. So could he be a triple threat? Sadly, no. The best you can say about this Monkees-soundalike pop tune is it's the most listenable song on this list, but that's damning it with faint praise.
4. 3 Count - Can't Get You Out Of My Heart
The wrestling world has never met a fad it won't capitalize on, and that included 90s boy bands like NSYNC. Future superstars including Shane Helms and Shannon Moore cut their teeth as part of this WCW gimmick, which proves that even boy bands had some talent.
5. Bret Hart - Never Been A Right Time To Say Goodbye
The Hitman probably felt he was channeling Patrick Swayze or Barry White with this sing-talking slow jam, but it comes off closer to William Shatner reading his love poetry over the end credit song from a Super Nintendo game.
6. Randy Savage - Be A Man
The title track from Savage's 2003 rap album proves he never really got over his feud with Hulk Hogan. We don't want to speak ill of the dead, but it's hard hearing the Macho Man brag about being a movie star because he was in Spider-Man for five minutes.
7. The Rock - Pie
By the time WWF The Music - Volume 5 was released, producers were just giving fans what they wanted with remixed versions of their entrance theme songs.
So there's no explanation for why this schizophrenic gospel-rap song featuring Slick Rick made the cut. If you can endure a three minute story rap about the Rock enjoying a grandmother's "pie," you're tougher than he is.
8. The Wrestlerock Rumble
Hot on the heels of the surprise hit song "The Superbowl Shuffle," the AWA tried to capitalize with their own version. If you ever wondered, "Who had less grace and singing talent than pro football players?" the answer is pro wrestlers.
As a side note, it's impressive that the Sheik managed to out-rap the Midnight Rockers in his second language.
9. Koko B. Ware - Piledriver
Koko can actually sing, but he managed to compare falling in love with a wrestling move where you slam your opponent's head into the canvas, which doesn't sound very romantic.
10. The Undertaker - The Man in Black
The gimmick that made Undertaker a superstar was playing a massive monster who doesn't talk, so of course it's only natural that his song on Wrestlemania the Album is a synth-pop track produced by Simon Cowell. Yes, really.
11. Vince McMahon - Stand Back
With a voice that's best described as a belt sander rubbing against gravel, it's hard to see why McMahon was picked to perform "Stand Back" in the first place. Not that we're complaining, because the very existence of this bizarre performance is pure gold.
12. Hulk Hogan - I Wanna Be A Hulkamaniac
Which mood suits the Hulkster better - soft, heartfelt crooning with piano accompaniment, or in-your-face hip hop talk-rapping. Neither? Both? The man contains multitudes, as long as each song contains a nice ego boost for Hogan.
13. John Cena - Summer Flings
John Cena has granted more than 500 Make-A-Wish requests from sick kids around the world, so we'll be nice and say that this track from his debut rap album speaks for itself.
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