Remember when toys didn’t come with warning labels, and if you wanted to be safe with them then you just had to use common sense? Here’s a few toys from that era.
These things were basically a kids’ version of a bola snare, which is a legitimate weapon. The balls were super heavy, and it was pretty much a guarantee that you’d get your fingers caught between them as they clacked. The original ones were even made of acrylic glass, in case they weren’t dangerous enough for you already.
Y’know what makes fashion even cooler? Pain! These bracelets would latch onto you after you slapped them onto your arm, which in retrospect seems kind of pointless.
It was essentially a dodgeball with a plastic platform built onto it, and your goal was to not just balance on them, but try to get them to launch you as high as possible. Of course, what this actually meant was you’d try to bounce and get thrown right off, only to hit the ground pretty hard. It was like a kids’ version of Jackass.
Seriously, how did we survive these next few toys?
You could use this hot resin mixer to make all sorts of crazy bouquets out of plastic! Only problem is that it turned out that the resin used for these things was actually very toxic when inhaled, meaning future versions needed to come with protective masks.
Super heavy darts meant to be thrown at maximum strength. What could possibly go wrong? Turns out a lot, actually, as hundreds of kids were hospitalized thanks to injuries from these things (and, if reports are to be believed, even a few deaths). These were so dangerous that the U.S. Government eventually banned them in 1988.
Basically a skateboard with a bike seat and tiny handlebars attached to it, if you didn’t run over your own fingers at least a few times with these things you’re either a genius or a liar. Not to mention the fact that steering these was near impossible, and cars could barely see you to boot.
Originally invented in the 60s and consistently popular through the 80s and 90s, it was basically an oven where you superheated liquid plastic to bake it into insect shapes. It was great fun until you burned yourself in one of the dozens of ways that were very, very easy to do.
Lemon Twist / Skip-It
You know the drill with this one; slide it over your ankle, and see how many times you could jump over it on one leg without screwing up. Having the ball slam into your leg hurt a lot, and falling on the concrete when you didn’t land a jump properly hurt even worse.