20 Funny Obituaries That Will Make You Die Laughing
Whether we like it or not, death will eventually come for us all. While it's an uncomfortable topic to discuss, it shouldn't be something we're afraid of.
Although our cherished friends and family will be in deep mourning following our passing, we can still try to make them laugh from beyond the grave.
If you're wondering how our loved ones would do so, just look at these obituaries that describe the deceased in the wittiest way possible.
1. Keeping it short and sweet
2. A sad day for the potted meat industry
3. This obit only seems fitting
"Selma Koch, a Manhattan store owner who earned a national reputation by helping women find the right bra size, mostly through a discerning glance and never with a tape measure, died Thursday at Mount Sinai Medical Center. She was 95 and a 34B."
4. Bill wasn't one to toot his own horn
5. I don't think they'll agree to this
6. There's always a story that comes with a beard
"A longtime member of Vasa Lutheran Church, not only did he sing in the church choir since he was 18, he also helped dig the church basement. Many will remember Emmett for his unforgettable beard, something that he’s had since 1975 when the Vikings lost the Super Bowl to the Steelers."
"A staunch Vikings fan, the beard was not coming off until the Vikings won a Super Bowl. Needless to say, Emmett died having never shaved his beard. More than the Vikings, farming and education, his family was most important to Emmett and he loved them dearly."
7. This nickname seems fitting
8. A political predicament
9. Let's hope Jim's put in a versatile urn
"James 'Jim' Groth made his last wildly inappropriate and probably sarcastic comment on July 28th. Jim was born and immediately dubbed “our favorite child” to John and Joan Groth in March of 1963. Their constant love, support, caring far exceeded anything Jim deserved."
"Jim died knowing that Monty Python and the Holy Grail was the best movie ever. Bruce Springsteen best recording artist, Clint Eastwood the baddest man on the planet, and that chicks dig El Caminos. His regrets were few but include eating a rotisserie hot dog from a convenience store in the summer of 2002, not training his faithful dog Rita to detect cancer, and that no video evidence exists of his prowess on the soccer field or in the bedroom."
"Cremation will take place at the family's convenience, and his ashes will be kept around as long as they match the décor."
10. Does this mean "Laugh Out Loud" or "Lots of Love?"
11. That's certainly a lot of grandchildren
12. Talk about a lady's man
"Freddie adored the ladies. And they adored him. There isn't enough space here to list all of the women from Freddie's past. There isn't enough space in the Bloomingdale phone book."
"He attracted more women than a shoe sale at Macy's. He got married when he was 18, but it didn't last. Freddie was no quitter, however, so he gave it a shot two more times. It didn't work out with any of the wives, but he managed to stay friends with them and their parents."
"Freddie was killed when he rushed into a burning orphanage to save a group of adorable children. Or maybe not. We all know how he liked to tell stories."
13. I always wanted to know this about possums
“We were blessed to learn many valuable lessons from Pink during her 85 years, among them: Never throw away old pantyhose. Use the old ones to tie gutters, child-proof cabinets, tie toilet flappers, or hang Christmas ornaments. Also: If a possum takes up residence in your shed, grab a barbecue brush to coax him out. If he doesn’t leave, brush him for twenty minutes and let him stay.”
14. The search for buried treasure continues
15. Does this count as a happy ending?
"Ida Mae had a rich but strict childhood. Ida graduated from Messick High School in 1950 and attended Memphis State University. Ida married High School friend, Karl Hadaway. On January 31, 1953, a child was born named Mary Denise."
"The marriage decayed and the couple divorced in 1954. Ida’s marriage to Karl was a three ring circus, engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering. Ida met and married Albert Sills in 1960. Ida said 'I never knew what real happiness was until I got remarried, then it was too late.'"
16. I wish I never had to do "an honest day's work"
17. Paging the Wicked Witch of the West
18. RIP to this (maybe) mother-of-two
"Waffle House lost a loyal customer on April 30, 2013. Antonia W. 'Toni' Larroux died after a battle with multiple illnesses: lupus, rickets, scurvy, kidney disease and feline leukemia. She had previously conquered polio as a child contributing to her unusually petite ankles and the nickname 'polio legs' given to her by her ex-husband, Jean F. Larroux, Jr."
"It should not be difficult to imagine the multiple reasons for their divorce 35+ years ago. Two children resulted from that marriage: Hayden Hoffman and Jean F. Larroux, III. Due to multiple, anonymous Mother’s Day cards which arrived each May, the children suspect there were other siblings but that has never been verified."
19. But who doesn't love root beer and bacon?
20. Terry got married during my favorite time of year
"Terry Wayne Ward, age 71, of DeMotte, IN, escaped this mortal realm on Tuesday, January 23rd, 2018, leaving behind 32 jars of Miracle Whip, 17 boxes of Hamburger Helper and multitudes of other random items that would prove helpful in the event of a zombie apocalypse."
"He met the love of his life, Kathy, by telling her he was a lineman – he didn’t specify early on that he was a lineman for the phone company, not the NFL. Still, Kathy and Terry wed in the fall of 1969, perfectly between the Summer of Love and the Winter of Regret."
"He despised 'uppity foods' like hummus, which his family lovingly called 'bean dip' for his benefit, which he loved consequently. He couldn’t give a damn about most material things, and automobiles were never to be purchased new. He never owned a personal cell phone and he had zero working knowledge of the Kardashians."
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